“Our language is holographic. Each word contains not only the wide context of paragraph and sentence but the deeper context of our lives. When you interact with someone, their initial words carry the entire hologram of their consciousness.”
William Isaacs, Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together
Dialogue is an overused term for a very specific means of communication that we rarely use effectively today. The roots of the word dialogue come from the Greek words, dia and logos, dia meaning through and logos being the word.
Essentially, dialogue is a mindful communication process that helps people clarify their thinking, beliefs and values within communities of practice. However, the term has migrated and is increasingly used to describe the lost art of conversation.
In some circles, it’s called talking. You remember, right? Let’s talk.
Historically, dialogue has helped communities and groups discover shared meaning. Unlike discussion or debate, there is no attempt to convince anyone of anything. Dialogue isn’t meant to problem-solve (although solutions often evolve from the dialogic process). Unlike discussion (whose root is the same as the word percussion) the process of dialogue is a spontaneous flow of communication.
The goal of dialogue, if any, is simply to think together and share understandings, without judgment. Building relationships, learning together and exploring common meanings and values are the entire agenda of dialogue.
Pretty radical idea, isn’t it?
Alone Together
In her book, Alone Together author, Sherry Turkle, was among the first to raise the red flags about the role of technology and its impact on the state of conversation.
According to Ms. Turkle, “We’ve become accustomed to a new way of being “alone together.” Technology enabled, we are able to be with one another, and also be elsewhere, connected to wherever we want to be. We want to customize our lives. We want to move in and out of where we are because the thing that is most important is control over where we focus our attention. We have gotten used to the idea of being in a tribe of one, loyal to our own party.”
While Ms. Turkle was criticized for using extreme examples to illustrate her “case” for interpersonal alienation in a wired world, most people can share anecdotes of frustrations with others, where texting and messaging has replaced in-person conversation, especially when dealing with sensitive issues and feelings.
Technology, the Brain and Human Needs
Oxford University professor Dr. Susan Greenfield believes that “Human identity, the idea that defines each and every one of us, could be facing an unprecedented crisis.”
While research on brain changes as a result of technology and social media use is still in a nascent state, the “plasticity” of the human brain is certain. Greenfield continues, “The brain, in other words, is malleable – not just in early childhood but right up to early adulthood, and, in certain instances, beyond. The surrounding environment has a huge impact both on the way our brains develop and how that brain is transformed into a unique human mind.”
In extreme examples, researchers have now found that those identified as having “internet addiction disorder,” experience damage to the white fiber matter in the part of the brain connected to emotional processing, attention and decision-making. These findings show a similarity to the damage done by alcohol and cocaine use.
The overarching question is what impact is technology and social media having on what humans need? While the context may change as human history progresses, core human needs for security, love and affiliation have not. What can’t be measured (yet) is how humans in a techno age deeply satisfy the needs that provide real meaning in their lives – over time.
What Else Gets in the Way of Dialogue?
Technology’s not the only barrier we erect to real conversation. Here’s a mini-list:
- Time Constraints (and the false perception of time constraints) – This barrier is pervasive. Even when convinced by the evidence for the need for more dialogue, many people lament that they just don’t have the time. This is a structural problem that many people don’t have much control over, but even the busiest people, have a little. Reviving the lost art of conversation requires awareness of priorities and how we use our energies. It also requires letting go of the things on the endless to-do list (including tech time) in order to bring more person-person non-agenda focused communication with others. Often we think this requires hours (the mind often exaggerates) when a simple 15 minute chat with focused attention can be a very rewarding experience. Don’t overlook the emotional resonance of even a brief, satisfying conversation.
- The Structure of Work – Today’s workplace is structured (reflecting its legacy from the Industrial Revolution) towards task-oriented productivity.While much has been written about time wasted at work, today’s unprecedented productivity rates are made possible not only by technological advances, but by a willingness on the part of most (especially American) workers to sacrifice more and more of their personal time to work longer hours. This leaves little time for one-one communication, especially without a specific purpose. Increasingly, as some leaders are realizing that interpersonal relationships are the new wealth in the global currency, they understand that the pace of work is a serious obstacle to greater communication.
- Lack of Interpersonal Skill – One of the dangers of too much techno focus is that we simply do not develop the self-awareness, emotional regulation and social intelligence required to maximize understanding of and with others. Studies show that our hard-wiring for empathic responses to others can be severely challenged by distractions and lack of attention. It is not that we don’t care; it’s often that we don’t notice. Human differences and emotional complexities can be messy. We can’t sign off feelings. But if we want to deepen our connections to others, we cannot skip this part. Nothing else will substitute. Unless we learn to pay attention to the details of our own experience, we’ll never be able to tune into those of others.
Quantum physicist, David Bohm, whose work on the dialogic process revealed the deep nature of human communication and its possibilities, believed that participation in dialogue takes us beyond merely feeling connected to others.
MIT Sloan School of Management lecturer and author William Isaacs, who worked with Bohm on the dialogic process, wrote, “The world is not simply “out there,” but it is, in fact, in each of us as well.” As a result of their work, they concluded that we as interconnected individuals “never leave each other’s influence and as such, are always in a state of mutual unfolding.” Isaacs’ writes, “I enter in a dialogue with myself, and as I do so, I enter into one with you as well. Seized by an elemental togetherness, we touch the genuine power of dialogue, and magic unfolds.”
The workplace and the world are in critical need of the “magic” of dialogue. There’s still time to begin.
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